as i tossed and turned in my unkempt loft bed waiting for a text from you saying you had arrived, my mind raced to places i didn’t even know it was capable of. when i finally received the message, i was elated and clumsily hurried to the door to let you in. without a single negative thought in mind, i knew my day was about to be sensational. that spicy and warm cologne you wore filled my nose with comfort and compassion. i inhaled it deeply. it reminded me of the summer and the long nights we spent laughing with each other and lying tangled up as one. hearing your charismatic laugh was better than listening to my favorite song performed live. i could distinguish the sincerity and innocence in the octaves of each of the breaths you took between the chuckles.

after a few mishaps, we were finally walking the city streets together, hand in hand. as i breathed in the mix of your cologne and the overpowering scent of the smoky cars and hasty people all around, i felt an immediate sense of contentment. i gazed at my surroundings, completely unaware of my current location. however, i didn’t panic; i was home. i considered to myself how in the midst of all the chaos in the city i could grasp such a concept and feeling. there, arm in arm in the streets of charm city i decided, i could love you.

after arriving back at my place, we sat for the next few hours (which seemed to abruptly end after a few minutes) intertwined on the couch. when you announced that you had to be on your way, my heart dropped into my stomach. all the outside noise began to slowly float out of my hearing range: the television, the air conditioning, the computer my roommate was typing on in the other room. the only thing my ears could fixate on was the sound of your voice. each syllable seemed to emerge as a separate word as i perceived what you were saying. immediately a sense of fear and sorrow crept over me. fear because i was unaware of the next time i would see you, and sorrow because this day had been absolutely exquisite and was now coming to a conclusion. you leaned in to kiss me goodbye as i brushed a tear away. you realized the quiet, yet unsettling tears and brought me in closer. on the sidewalk, outside my tiny apartment, you stood there compassionately with me in your arms and i realized again, i could love you.

you are a sweeping force. i am aching in your absence.


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